Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
