the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
