someone get that fucking seahorse.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
