So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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