we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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