Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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