I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
