Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
if only i could text you this smell
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
