I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
