Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
