please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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