Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
