i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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