Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
