Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
