his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
