Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
