When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
