who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
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They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
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my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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