I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
