i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
