he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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