she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
