just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
