i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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