I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
