Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
