I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize