I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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