i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
