You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
