omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
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