Plan B is the new Plan A
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
