I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I don't deserve a penis
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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