Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
