dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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