why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
