the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You've changed since you got that strap on
I yelled at your uterus for you.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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