Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
