when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Randomize
