I think i sorta joined a cult last night
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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