just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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