Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
