Rock
Scissors
Fuck
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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