it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I came so hard my ears popped.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
