Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
