if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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