You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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