im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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