You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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