i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
