:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
