You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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