I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
