i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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