come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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