4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
