Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
