i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
