Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
