shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
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