DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
