My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
