Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
