so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
