i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize