I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
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Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
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there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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