ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
