Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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