I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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