It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
