Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
