i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize