brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
