what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
