there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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