We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
