just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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