I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
