Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
