I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize