Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
