i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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