I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
