i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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