Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
